Merry Christmas

Four years ago on this date Dennis and I flew home from Washington, D.C. with the belief that Dr. Sugarbaker was correct in that Dennis' cancer was gone. It was a happy time and the people at American Airlines were most accommodating when they heard about why we had delayed our return home several times until he was released from the hospital. The cancer was gone. So we thought. I believed in miracles. I did up to the very second Dennis took his last breath. I know he is in Heaven - with Jesus - on His birthday. What a wonderful thought. But I miss him. Every Christmas he was home. Every Christmas. I am so thankful that Dennis was in our lives. I know you all miss him. I pray you all have a wonderful Christmas. God Bless us - everyone.

Footprints on the Heart

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts.
And we are never, ever the same.

Favia Weedn

Memorial Marker

Hi everyone,

I learned TODAY how to post to Dennis' blog. I am sooo not techy!

Just wanted to let you know that the marker was finally delivered and is in place.
It is red granite, has a rough edged top - because Dennis did go hiking, biking,
and other physical activities he enjoyed so much, not to mention the football
matches the day after Thanksgiving and New Years. He would say they would play until it got dark and then play a little longer. The next day of course, he'd be groaning about his aching body - BUT he had fun!

On the back of the marker it has a guitar on the left side. The inscription
reads as follows: Line 1 - "DR. D.", Line 2 - A MAN OF GOD AND SCIENCE
Line 3 - FAMILY AND FRIENDS, Line 4 - MUSIC AND THE WORLD.

I miss him so much. We all miss him so much. Thank you all for being a part of his life. You all are great!

God Bless You
Dennis' mom

Memorial Service

Joliet Hospice is having a Fall Memorial Service on Sunday, Nov. 16. It will begin at 2:30 pm and is at the First Assembly of God, 1741 Essington Rd.,Joliet, IL 60435. This service is for their patients who have died in the months March through September, 2008. There will be a candle lighting service. They encourage everyone to bring photographs, preferably framed, which they will display during the service.

Please feel free to attend in memory of Dennis.
God Bless - Dennis' Family

Thoughts for the Day

Thinking of you, Den:

"Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the best of it as it is, is the only way of being happy."
- JENNIE JEROME CHURCHILL


""We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now ... when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza ...

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.
But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time ... and remember that time waits for no one ...

So stop waiting until you finish school ... until you go back to school ... until you lose ten pounds ... until you gain ten pounds ... until you have kids ... until your kids leave the house ... until you start work ... until you retire ... until you get married ... until you get divorced ... until Friday night ... until Sunday morning ... until you get a new car or home ... until your car or home is paid off ... until spring, until summer ... until fall ... until winter ... until you are off welfare ... until the first or fifteenth ... until your song comes on ... until you've had a drink ... until you've sobered up ... until you die ... until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy ...

Happiness is a journey ... not a destination!!""

Author:
Crystal Boyd


My sentiments exactly.
nikki

"The Plan of the Master Weaver"

Author unknown...

Our lives are but fine weavings
That God and we prepare,
Each life becomes a fabric planned
And fashioned in his care.
We may not always see just how
The weavings intertwine,
But we must trust the Master's hand
And follow His design,
For he can view the pattern
Upon the upper side,
While we must look from underneath
And trust in Him to guide...

Sometimes a strand of sorrow
Is added to His plan,
And though it's difficult for us,
We still must understand
That it's He who fills the shuttle,
It's He who knows what's best,
So we must weave in patience
And leave to Him the rest...

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why--
The dark threads are as needed
In the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

God Bless, nikki

Remembrance

It is very hard to believe that Dennis has been gone from this world, his family and his friends, for four months today. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him... His nephews talk about him and say "I bet Uncle Dennis is here with us right now..." You know, I believe they're right. He's looking down with a smile on his face and a prayer in his heart for each and every one of us. Hold his memory close in your heart and know that he is there...

Den,
I miss you bro'. I wanted very much for you to visit us at our new house - I firmly believe you had a hand in us selling to great buyers in the end, thank-you!! To have you sleep in our "Heroes" guestroom/playroom... Play video games with the boys... Teach them about the joys of music... God... and physics. Hang out with me...
I know I am not the only loved one with thoughts of you constantly flitting through my mind. You are greatly missed. I pray that you are happier than anyone could ever imagine where you are... Rock on, Bro.

Love you and miss you lots - Your Favorite Sister, Nik

Remembrance

FOR DENNIS:

Dennis, we will remember you.
Your family

Dennis,
You fought a good fight and now you can rest in the presence of the king. You have left a rich legacy in family and friends, those who loved you and respected you.
In Christ,
John Appleton-jim’s friend and red wing partner

Hey Dude, Shaggy, Dr. D, Deeeeeenis,
Well, on to the next great adventure. Enjoy the journey, peace is now yours, and you are most deserving of it. Thanks for you. Peace out! Megan J

Hi Dr. D,
You are finally home! I will miss our Sunday chats. Thanks for being a great friend and a great example of God’s love. Nancy

Dear Dennis,
Your brilliance, friendship, warmth and humor will be greatly missed. Thanks for all the fond memories from the Happening, Turkey Bowls, and long discussions into the night. Now that you are at peace, I hope that you will intercede in our lives and keep an eye on us. We’ll need it. –Andrew

Dr. D,
You’ve run the race and heard those wondrous words, “Welcome home, good and faithful servant!” And what a race you ran. Please pray for those of us left who will miss you terribly. I’m thankful to God for having known you, your courage and faithfulness. Mary Ann

Dethnyt,
Well, having just completed the sorrowful mysteries at your wake, I felt moved to come type a message to you, who were Christ to so many. Meditating on the agony in the garden, the scourging at the pillar, the crowning with thorns, the carrying of the cross, and the crucifixion, I can’t help but think of all the trials and suffering you went through. Dennis, my friend, even before being afflicted with this terrible disease, you struggled to work out your salvation in fear and trembling, and every step of the way you put yourself in the loving care of the Lord. Taking risks, both social, spiritual, and emotional, you sought the truth no matter where it was hiding. And in the process, you shared your love with a servant’s heart. In the end, I do believe that your suffering, both corporal and spiritual, tempered you into a man of great faith, and pure heart. Like Nathaniel, you my friend were without guile. I will miss you with all of my heart. I will miss spending time with you, sharing my life with you, and sharing my faith journey with you, and I am working out now how to interact with you in your new role – your new station. You’ve been promoted, buddy – from the church militant to the church triumphant. I’ll miss your servant’s heart and your doctor’s brain, and I will strive to imitate the best in you. I’ll miss you my friend. God take you and keep you. Pray for us.
Pax Christi,
Steve


Brother,
I can call you brother, because you were like a brother to me. For thirty years you and I have been friends. It is with deep sorrow in my heart that I must let you go, but I know it is time, and you are no longer in pain. You are the bravest man I know, and my life was touched like so many others by your kind spirit, and wonderful outlook on life. You could have become bitter, but you never were. You could have given up, but you never did. I think of you often, and I will miss you the rest of my time on Earth.
Until we meet again,
Rob

Dennis,
Thank you for your friendship, your love, and for just being you. We will miss you. Peace -Chrissy

DC Mass for Dennis

Dennis' CUA friends invite all to attend a mass for Dennis. Fr. Pritzl, Dean of Philosophy at CUA will say a mass to Tuesday, April 15, 5:00 p.m. Caldwell Chapel, CUA.
CUA's address is 620 Michigan Ave, D.C. 20064. Caldwell chapel is on the campus, in Caldwell Hall, which is the first large old building north of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception
Any questions, please email 94HOUNSOKOU@cua.edu

Thank-you.

Far From Home

Many of you knew that Dennis was in a country rock band in Germany... Follow this link to see the band's tribute to him:
http://www.farfromhome-music.com/

Thank-you Far From Home, you were all very special to him. Thank-you for being his "family", for caring for and loving him while he was in Germany... far from home.

Memorial Gifts for Dennis Rich

Dear friends and family, below is the information of where and how to donate in Dennis' memory. It is our hope that in some way we can help make a postive difference in the life of someone with cancer through Dr Mulcahy's research. We would like to share with you some words Dennis wrote on January 28th, 2008 and posted to his blog:

"The battles ahead will be as much psychological as physical. Everything one lives for comes to the fore when faced with one's mortality. Were the sacrifices of the life of faith worthwhile? For that matter, can I even boast in what little "sacrifices" I may have made? I trust in my God at this point, which is all we can do. He Who has proven able to turn the greatest of evils into the greatest of goods, can certainly turn my life into something of value. And even the end of my life."


Memorial gifts can be made as follows:

Checks payable to: Northwestern University

Send to:
Jeff Nearhoof
Northwestern University Development
Rubloff Building, 9th Floor
750 N. Lake Shore Drive
Chicago, IL 60611

In the memo section of the check or with a separate note, the individual should indicate that the gift is in memory of Dennis Rich. If someone wishes to make a gift using a credit card, they can call Jeff at 312 503-3088.

Northwestern will track all contributions made in memory of Dennis. All gifts will be added to a research fund that is controlled by Dr. Mulcahy so she can use the gifts to advance her research in cancer.

Thank-you so very much, God bless - Dennis' Family

Donations

Many have asked where we would like donations sent in lieu of flowers. We know Dr Mulcahy (Den's doctor at Northwestern in Chicago) has a research fund and we are looking into getting the details now. I will post it to the blog as soon as we have it. Thank-you and God bless - Nikki

Comments

Den's sister again... For those of you who have recently joined us in reading Dennis' blog for information, please read the "comments" after each posting. Not only will you find more information regarding the past several days, between the time of Dennis' last post and the one I just posted, but you will also see comments shared by Dennis' loving friends and family. He was a wonderful Son, Brother, Grandson, Nephew, and not least of all, Friend. We will miss him, yet we are grateful for the end of his pain and the beginning of his new life with our Father in Heaven. Thank-you all for your thoughts and prayers at this time. Feel free to add your thoughts and comments to share as well... Thank-you. Nikki

Family Update

OK, folks. We figured out how to make a post on Den's blog. Please read below the information that Steve Pavlis had posted in the comments section of Dennis' last posting. More information will follow as we have it. Please refer people to Den's blog for information as you pass on the sad news of his passing. Thank-you, Den's sister, Nikki


Steve said...
It is with a very heavy heart that I leave this comment to let everyone know that our beloved Dennis took his leave last night at around half past 10 in the evening. He was surrounded by his family and close friends, and was lifted up in love to the Lord. I will post arrangements in the next blog comment but for now I just wanted to take a moment to remember this special person, who was Christ to so many of us, and who strived so well to unite his sufferings with those of Christ.Dennis' brother Jim had hooked up Dennis' I-Pod so that he could have the music that he loved playing in the background in his final days with us. You could tell that he was very thankful to hear the music that he loved keeping him and his many visitors company. As you can imagine, the selection was eclectic (to say the least), consisting of over 1400 tracks ranging from Jazz to Bluegrass, to the Bluegrass/Jazz Fusion of Bela Fleck and the Flecktones; to Blues to Contemporary Christian music to progressive rock to folk music to...German language lessons!At the very end, the I-Pod was set to play random selections and at the moment of his passing it was a great consolation to me that the Phil Keaggy song Tender Love was floating from the speakers. Many of you who read the blog know of Dennis' love for music, and his love for Phil Keaggy, and this song was truly a fitting send-off for our great friend. He will be sorely, sorely missed...SteveTender LovePhil KeaggyAlbum: Phil KeaggyIt's a tender love that's gonna see you through, Whispering to your heart So that you'll know what to do. It's a tender love not about to let you go, It's a tender love and there's So much more to know. Love that's holding me, tender and true, Love that's molding me, seeing me through. I've stood in true amazement Of all you've done for me, My faith so small, you do it all, And you give it all for free. It's a tender love that's gonna see you through, Whispering to your heart So that you'll know what to do. It's a tender love not about to let you go, It's a tender love and there's So much more to know. Let go of the past, get up off the ground. This love will last, this love I've found. I stand in true amazement of all you've done for me, I'm in a daze, yes I'm amazed, Embracing the change, I'm free. It's a tender love that's gonna see you through, Whispering to your heart So that you'll know what to do. It's a tender love not about to let you go, It's a tender love and there's So much more to know. It's a tender love that's gonna see you through, Whispering to your heart So that you'll know what to do. It's a tender love not about to let you go, It's a tender love and there's So much more to know.
April 2, 2008 3:46 PM
Steve said...
The arrangements are as follows:The visitation will be on Friday from 3pm - 8pm at the Boingbrook-McCauley Funeral Chapelhttp://www.mccauleyfuneralchapel.com/Bolingbrook-McCauley Funeral Chapel & Crematorium530 W Boughton Rd.Bolingbrook, IL 60440630-759-1212The funeral services will begin with a prayer service at the funeral chapel on Saturday morning at 9 am, followed by the funeral mass at 10 am at St. Francis of Assissi Church in Bolingbrook (those attending the funeral may begin at the funeral home and process to the church or simply meet at the church for the 10 am mass).http://www.stfrancisbb.org/St Francis of Assisi Parish 1501 W Boughton Road Bolingbrook, IL 60440Phone: (630) 759-7588 Fax: (630) 759-5257Pax Christi,Steve
April 2, 2008 3:49 PM

Update

So, I at last had that visit with Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern, on Wednesday, March 3. I returned the following day for CT scans and ultra-sounds -- the CT scans in order to get a basline on my status prior to any new treatments, and the ultra-sounds to look into some swelling I was seeing in my left and right legs. The past several weeks I'd been suffering through some serious swelling in both legs, the source of which was unclear. I would prop my legs up over-night, to relieve the swelling, but it kept getting worse and worse. So it seems we've got a blood clot in my right leg...nothing appears in the left, though I suppose something could be there none-the-less. They put me on two drugs: first, a drug called Lasix, to help push the the fluids through my system. And then another called Lovenox, a 2x-per-day shot I give myself. This acts as a blood thinner and helps dissolve the blood and pass the clot. Hopefully (and I see some evidence for this already) the swelling on my legs will go down quickly.

On Wednesday, March 19 I begin chemo once again. I am going to be on a 3 drug regimen -- irinotecan plus erbitux (a chemo plus anti-body combo which I have had before) along with with avastin. Avastin is another antibody, which aids in stopping the tumors from calling new blood supplies to themselves. I've had this before, back in '04. They say that even as one or two parts of the combo starts to fail, it often happens that the combo together somehow acts stronger than the some of its parts to fights against the cancer. Let's hope so this time around. At least, for me -- I'd stopped using the irinotecan plus erbitux last March.

All the best to my faithful readers...I hope to be better about posting updates in the future.

Update

Yesterday I finished with my latest run of radiation treatments. We'd been targeting, over the past two weeks, two tumors -- the big one on my right hand side, and one of the two known to be growing in my right lung. I can feel both of the tumors in my lung -- small lumps just beneath the ribs, one about 1/2-way up, the other a couple of inches lower. We targeted the higher one.

The results? Well, from what Dr. Meyer today informed me, we may yet see some late effects -- larger tumors may sometimes have delayed effects, so the tumor on my right hand side may still shrink or reduce its contribution to my pain. At the moment, it seems we've done a good job on the tumor in my lung (much less sensitive to the touch than the other in my lung, though about the same size), while I don't notice any change in the tumor on my side (above possibility notwithstanding).

I see Dr. Grapski tomorrow, then this weekend I will depart Knoxville for the Chicago area. I am, as I've noted many times before, very much looking forward to being in the hands of my doctors up north. While radiation can keep one or two tumors at bay for a couple of weeks at a time, our best bet for stabilizing the disease is through chemo. And while we've used up the "best" chemo options, there's always the chance that something else is waiting for us to try...something off the beaten path.

Update

Here's a brief update, to let folks know how I'm feeling and what's going on around here.

I'm going to get into the lab this afternoon for the 2nd time since I was made aware of my need to put in 10 days by mid-April to save my long-term disability benefit (and with it, my health insurance). I've been too tired on the days I've been home to make up any time there (yet) but imagine I can start that soon enough.

I've called to have them reduce my pain meds just a bit -- I'm still not hitting my "bolus" button all that often (the button that gives me an extra shot of the meds against break-through pain) so I figure I can risk cutting back a bit more. I can't say as I've seen any retreat of the tumors we are currently targeting with radiation, but it's early. And hopefully, when I do, I'll be able to turn back the pain meds that much more.

Still no official word on whether or not I'll get a last round of chemo before leaving Knoxville, though I'd bet not. I'll see the local oncologist that Thursday before leaving town on Saturday.

I'm very much looking forward to being among friends, and to hearing what Dr. Mulcahy has to offer as far as continuing treatment. I know that anything we try is a long shot, at best, to beat back my cancer. But I'll take any shot we've got at this stage...I'm just not ready to accept mere palliative treatments.

And that's about it for the moment. Thanks as always for your constant thoughts and prayers.

Extra prayers...

I'd ask for a few extra prayers over the next couple of weeks. I just found out that I am 10 days short of the number of days required to qualify for the long-term disability benefit at work. Without qualifying for this benefit, my health insurance will disappear at the end of March or April. Or at least, I would then be required to pay my own premiums, at something like $800 per month. I feel I have the strength in me to put in this time at work, if I can manage 1/2-days and time from home. A few extra prayers that I might find this strength of mind and body necessary would go a long way, I'm sure...

Thanks.

Update

Once again, I feel I should apologize for the lateness of this update. I've had a rough run the past couple of weeks...we bumped my pain meds a couple of weeks ago, to a level that left me in something of a fog much of the time. I've been able to cut back a bit the past few days, which has helped considerably. There's some hope I'll be able to cut back still more soon...but I'm going to wait on that.

What is there to wait on? Well, tomorrow I start radiation treatment on two of my tumors -- the one on my right hand side that's been responsible for much of my pain, and one of the ones in my right lung. I'd hope that perhaps I'll be able to see some difference in that tumor on my side before pushing my pain meds back a bit more.

I had my last round of chemo just over one week ago (February 4). My next would be scheduled for February 25, but this may be delayed till we've finished my radiation -- I am scheduled for 10 cycles of radiation, every day over the next 2 weeks (skipping Saturday and Sunday). If this is the case, we may just wait until I've made my move -- I've decided that the time has come to return home, to be among family and friends, and have my treatment supervised by Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern. The folks here in Knoxville, as we've long noted, have simply run out of ideas...we can hope that Dr. Mulcahy might have a few more tricks up her sleeve. I'll be making the move those last few days of February/start of March.

On the whole, I suppose I'm feeling alright. I struggle mentally quite a bit...they say that enough chemo can induce a bit of depression, and I may have hit that point. I hope being among family and friends can be a nice salve there. Physically, I still don't notice any real changes in my major organ functions -- nothing to note that my liver might be struggling due to the tumors there. So long as this is the case, I suppose we've still got a shot.

As usual, your prayers and support are welcomed, and very much appreciated.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 9

Today is the ninth (and final) day of our novena to Our Lady of Lourdes. I would like to thank all of you who chose to pray with me over the previous nine days, and who continue to pray with me, for my healing, into the future. As we pray, may we also be attentive to our own call to action, and to virtue, within the prayers. In particular, we imitate the faith of Mary, who, though bewildered by the pronouncement of the angel that she would bear the salvation of the world, stored it all in her heart, and declared, "Let it be done to me according to your word."

So we conclude with our daily opening prayer, found here. And then to the prayers of Day 9:

O glorious Mother of God, to you we raise our hearts and hands to implore your powerful intercession in obtaining from the benign Heart of Jesus all the graces necessary for our spiritual and temporal welfare, particularly for the grace of a happy death. O Mother of our Divine Lord, as we conclude this novena for the special favor we seek at this time -- my cure from cancer -- we feel animated with confidence that your prayers in our behalf will be graciously heard. O Mother of my Lord, through the love you bear to Jesus Christ and for the glory of His Name, hear our prayers and obtain our petitions.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 8

We begin as usual with our opening prayer from Day 1, here. Continuing now with the prayers from Day 8:

O Immaculate Mother of God, from heaven itself you came to appear to the little Bernadette in the rough Grotto of Lourdes! And as Bernadette knelt at your feet and the miraculous spring burst forth and as multitudes have knelt ever since before your shrine, O Mother of God, we kneel before you today to ask that in your mercy you plead with your Divine Son to grant the special favor we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 7

Beginning as usual with the opening prayer as found here, we then continue with the prayers of Day 7:

O Almighty God, who by the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary did prepare a worthy dwelling place for your Son, we humbly beseech you that as we contemplate the apparition of Our Lady in the Grotto of Lourdes, we may be blessed with health of mind and body. O most gracious Mother Mary, beloved Mother of Our Lord and Redeemer, look with favor upon us as you did that day on Bernadette and intercede with him for us that the favor we now so earnestly seek may be granted to us -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 6

We begin, as always, with the opening prayer found here, on the first day of our novena. Then continue with the prayers specific to Day 6:

O glorious Mother of God, so powerful under your special title of Our Lady of Lourdes, to you we raise our hearts and hands to implore your powerful intercession in obtaining from the gracious Heart of Jesus all the helps and graces necessary for our spiritual and temporal welfare and for the special favor we so earnestly seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Lady of Bernadette, with the stars of heaven in your hair and the roses of earth at your feet, look with compassion upon us today as you did so long ago on Bernadette in the Grotto of Lourdes.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 5

We begin as we always do, with the opening prayer found on the first day of the novena, here. Then we continue with the prayer for Day 5:

O Mary Immaculate, Mother of God and our mother, from the height of your dignity look down mercifully upon us while we, full of confidence in your unbounded goodness and confident that your Divine Son will look favorably upon any request you make of Him in our behalf, we beseech you to come to our aid and secure for us the favor we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 4

Beginning as we always do, with the opening prayer from here, we continue on to the prayers for Day 4 of the Novena:

O Immaculate Queen of Heaven, we your wayward, erring, children join our unworthy prayers of praise and thanksgiving to those of the angels, the saints, and your own -- that the One, Holy, and Undivided Trinity may be glorified in heaven and here on earth. Our Lady of Lourdes, as you looked down with love and mercy upon Bernadette as she prayed her rosary in the grotto, look down now, we beseech you, with love and mercy upon us. From the abundance of graces granted you by your Divine Son, Sweet Mother of God, give to each of us all that your motherly heart sees we need and at this moment look with special favor on the grace we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant Star of Purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Brief update

I wanted to put out a brief update, what with a treatment yesterday, and a week to reflect on the results of the recent CT scan.

First, delays in treatment are bad. The timing of the tumor growth and my treatments are pretty tight, in that it seems during the first two weeks of a treatment cycle, my pain levels are reduced, then during the 3rd week, they rise again. Having a 4th week before another treatment allowed my pain to increase still more -- to a level I'd not experienced before. The level of my pain meds was at a level I'd more-or-less gotten used to, but is now again at a level that makes ordinary function difficult. Too tired, too often, to get regular stuff around the house done...much less even consider getting back to work.

And so, given what looks like continued growth in both my liver and my lung, I am making arrangements to return to the Chicago area, to continue treatment under the care of Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern while in the company of my family and friends. After today speaking with my insurance company, it looks as though I'll be able to take on some sort of "Guest" status in Chicago that allows me to get treatment there as though I were "in-network". At least, that how I understand it works...it would surely make things easier (and cheaper).

I'm feeling pretty good, what with a treatment yesterday. Not so queezy as I am typically, I'm finding myself with energy enough to do a bunch of the stuff necessary while I prepare for a move in a month. One last thing I want to have done here that I really need to push on -- I'd like to pursue radiation on the one large tumor on my right side, the cause of so very much of my pain at the moment. Dr. Meyers (the local radiation oncologist) had mentioned that it could be done quickly and concurrently with chemo, so that, even given the time constraints, it is something we can conceivably do before any move.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 3

Getting a jump on things this morning, here's Day 3: first, of course, begin with the opening prayer of Day 1. Then continue here:

"You are all fair, O Mary, and there is in you no stain of original sin." O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. O brilliant star of sanctity, as on that lovely day, upon a rough rock in Lourdes you spoke to the child Bernadette, and a fountain broke from the plain earth, and miracles happened, and the great shrine of Lourdes was began, so now I beseech you to hear our fervent prayer and do, we beseech you, grant us the petition we now so earnestly seek -- my cure from cancer.

O brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 2

Hey Everyone. Sorry this is late in coming today -- I had a really long day of treatment, starting with blood tests around 9 am, a blood transfusion because my red cell count was low again, and then my usual round of chemo. I'll provide a more extensive health update tomorrow. For now, though, let me get the second day of prayers for this Novena posted...while hoping that perhaps many of you may have found another source from which to continue (I'm pulling this from the EWTN web-page, after-all) for the day.

Start with the opening prayer provided in the Day 1 post here. Continue with the Day 2 prayer as follows:

Be blessed O most pure Virgin, for having vouchsafed to manifest yourself, shining with light, sweetness, and beauty in the grotto of Lourdes, saying to the child St. Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception!" O Mary Immaculate, inflame our hearts, with one ray of the burning of your pure heart. Let them be consumed with love for Jesus and for you, in order that we may merit one day to enjoy your glorious eternity. O dispenser of His graces here below, take into your keeping and present to your Divine Son the petition for which we are making this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena

The feast of Our Lady of Lourdes arrives in 9 days -- February 11. Coincidentally, this happens to be my birthday as well. As such, I thought it fitting to begin a novena -- a special sequence of prayers lasting 9 days -- asking of Our Lady of Lourdes her intercession on my behalf, for my healing from this cancer.

We begin daily with a prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes:

Be blessed, O most pure Virgin, for having vouchsafed to manifest with life, sweetness, and beauty, in the grotto of Lourdes, saying to the child St. Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception!" A thousand times we congratulate you on your Immaculate Conception. And now, O ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of mercy, Health of the sick, Refuge of sinners, Comforter of the afflicted, you know our wants, our troubles, our sufferings; deign to cast upon us a look of mercy.

By appearing in the Grotto of Lourdes, you were pleased to make it a privileged sanctuary, whence you dispense your favors, and already many have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and physical. We come, therefore, with the most unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. Obtain for us, O Loving Mother, the granting of our request -- my cure from cancer.

Through gratitude for your favors, we will endeavor to imitate your virtues, that we may one day share your glory.

O Lady of Lourdes, Mother of Christ, you had influence with your Divine Son while upon earth. You have the same influence now in heaven. Pray for us; obtain for us from your Divine Son our special requests if it be the Divine Will.

Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

We continue with the prayers specific to each day, starting with Day One:

O Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, virgin and mother, queen of heaven, chosen from all eternity to be the Mother of the Eternal Word and in virtue of this title preserved from original sin, we kneel before you as did little Bernadette at Lourdes and pray with childlike trust in you that as we contemplate your glorious appearance at Loudes, you will look with mercy on our present petition and secure for us a favorable answer to the request for which we are making this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation.

Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
Saint Bernadette, pray for us.

I welcome any and all who would join with me today and through the following 8 days in asking prayers for my healing from Our Lady of Lourdes.

A visit to Lourdes...

I was asked in the comments after my most recent health update if I'd ever considered a trip to Lourdes. In fact I have -- I went in the fall of 2005, during my first year living in Germany, as part of my first "European vacation". The following is an edited excerpt of an e-mail I sent to my family (with the above photo):

Lourdes is a famous pilgrimage destination, owing to the visions a 14-year-old nun-in-training named Bernadette experienced back in the mid-1800s. She was visited frequently by the Virgin Mary, who instructed her to pray for sinners among other things. As a sign that the visits were genuine, a spring suddenly started flowing from the rocks near the cave where the visits were taking place. Bernadette was simply instructed to wash her face and pray, and she drank a little bit of the water. But in the 150 years or so since, there have been many documented cures associated with the waters from the spring. I didn't go expecting any kind of cure for myself. I went for this reason as much as any other: to remind myself that God still works miracles, and that I should be open to putting myself in a position to receive one. I spent 2 days praying, reflecting, and otherwise being reminded that I am wonderfully blessed, in spite of my current struggles. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me -- who among us knows how many days we've got? -- but I know that today, so long as I've got breath within me, I should trust Him and do good. And while I often fall short of the good I should do, I will trust in His mercy and love, then try and do better.

Update, 1/28/2008

This post has been a few days in coming. Perhaps I needed the encouragement of St. Thomas Aquinas (see following post) to get off my butt and do what I promise to do. But here it is...

Last Friday I went in for a treatment, and also to receive the results on my latest CT scan. As to my treatment, we postponed it as my platelet counts were once again well below allowable levels. I am scheduled to return next Monday (February 5) to try again.

The news from my CT scan is a mixed bag, but (unfortunately) more bad than good. The good is that the carboplatin/taxol continues to be effective on the tumors on my abdominal surfaces. These continue to shrink (if just a little) which helps a little on the pain front. The bad news is that the tumors in my liver remain unresponsive to chemo. In addition, and though the CT is a bit ambiguous on this, it is likely I also have unresponsive tumors in my lungs. If this is true, the hoped-for plan of following up on several months of this chemo with the theraspheres to treat my liver will not work -- not so long as there remain growing tumors elsewhere in my body.

So what happens at this point? It is difficult to be sure. I have had my CT images and reports sent to Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern. Hopefully, she gets these soon, and has something to say. What likely will happen is that I will move home, continuing treatments nearer the company of family and friends. Barring some breakthrough in the next several months, we will simply look to treat my symptoms, providing whatever is effective in maintaining my quality and quantity of life, though knowing that we are beyond the reach of chemo to stabilize my disease again.

The battles ahead will be as much psychological as physical. Everything one lives for comes to the fore when faced with one's mortality. Were the sacrifices of the life of faith worthwhile? For that matter, can I even boast in what little "sacrifices" I may have made? I trust in my God at this point, which is all we can do. He Who has proven able to turn the greatest of evils into the greatest of goods, can certainly turn my life into something of value. And even the end of my life.

Happy Feast of St. Thomas Aquinas!

I write on the feast day of St. Thomas Aquinas -- a favorite around these parts, as many of you know. On this day, I ask for his prayers for myself and all my readers. He was a pious thinker -- a great intellect whose thought was always shaped and directed by a profound faith. I have always desired to be such as he, and I know that many of my friends have like desires. St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us.

Spe Salvi

And after all this time, I'm only starting with a few words on paragraph 1. Still, it's a loaded paragraph, which sets the table for the whole encyclical, so it's probably worth getting a few things straight from the start. One other thing before we get going: I won't claim to be any sort of expert theologian, and this won't be any sort of deep commentary. I just want to post my own thoughts on hope as inspired by much more profound thinkers than I.

So, about mid-way through paragraph 1, we get something like a definition from Benedict: "the present, even if it is arduous, can be lived and accepted if it leads towards a goal, if we can be sure of this goal, and if this goal is great enough to justify the effort of the journey." It seems there are two sorts of hope one can consider: a short term hope, and (as is the emphasis of the encyclical) an eternal hope. We put ourselves through any number of hardships -- college and grad school, bad relationships, dirty diapers, etc. -- in the hope that there will be a reward in the end -- career, happy marriage, happy and well adjusted children, etc.

The big questions come when one considers the second sort -- hope for eternity. This Benedict acknowledges right away: "what sort of hope could ever justify the statement that...we are redeemed? And what sort of certainty is involved here?" These are the big questions one faces when considering one's mortality -- to the extent that one is so blessed that death is not suddenly and unexpectedly visited upon oneself. Specifically, I want to read the rest of the encyclical somewhat selfishly. I want some answers myself, as to what sort of hope it is that I embrace, making the struggle with cancer worthwhile.

For now we continue with Augustine, trusting "the past to the mercy of God; the present to His love; the future to His providence." More to come...

Another quickie update

A couple of things to pass along...first, some news on my ca19-9, which to date has been my most reliable tumor marker in my blood tests. Normal levels of this chemical (and forgive me for not recollecting the proper units, or even knowing too much about its origins or proper function) is around 30 or less. I've had my levels that low a few times over the last four years, though not since mid-2006 has it been below 80. The (modest) good news is that recent tests show that my level has dropped -- from around 560 to around 530. I've seen bigger drops, to be sure, and could hope for still bigger drops with continued treatment with Taxol/Carboplatin. But any drop is a good drop, so this is good news, and one more modest sign (along with a small drop in my pain levels and the apparent shrinking of my near-surface tumors) that the Taxol/Carboplatin combo is working to a degree.

Second, I've had some complications of late that have prevented my return to work. I've only been back the one time, in the middle of December, though I hope to give it another whirl come next week. I've not been sleeping well at all because of some urinary tract issues, which I hope were satisfactorily dealt with in a visit to a local urologist this week. Once I can get a thorough night's rest, I hope I'll then have strength to make it through a full day at the lab.

Please keep me in your prayers, both for the continued effectiveness of the Taxol/Carboplatin chemo regimen, and for a good night's sleep (or more than one, actually!).

Four years today...

It's been four years to the day since my initial diagnosis. Like in years past, I can't really say as I have any profound thoughts to mark the occasion. The fight is still too real, too present, I suppose, to wax overly pensive. Still, the day should be noted. With hope that perhaps next year I'll have something more to say, or even cheer, on this date.

Happy New Year!

A Happy New Year, all! Sorry I've not been posting of late -- keeping busy hanging out with the family and such over the holidays. But I'm back in Knoxville, as of just before January 1, and look forward to getting back on some sort of regular routine with the blog.

For starters, with yesterday's most recent treatment, I'll provide the first health update of the new year. Heading into the treatment, I suppose I'd been feeling alright. Seems the second week of the three week cycle is the best -- my pain is at it's least, and my energy and activity level at its greatest. Then the third week, leading into the next treatment, my pain starts increasing again, my energy starts waning...as if the tumors are recovering and resuming some growth at the end of the cycle. This would seem to emphasize to me the need to stay right on top of my regular cycle -- delays, like the last one, due to the low platelet counts, can be bad at this stage.

The good news is that there was no need for a delay with this treatment. In fact, nearly all of my blood chemistry markers were good -- my platelets were not only in a "treatable" range, but had even increased since my last treatment. My red cell counts had also stabilized in a good range after the transfusion I received at the last treatment. Blood chemicals which indicate kidney and liver activity also were moving in directions showing that these organs were in good shape. All of which are good signs...none conclusive, but positive signs none-the-less.

A more conclusive test of where things are will come with my next CT scan, scheduled for 2 weeks from now. Though I suppose it won't be so conclusive as we might like. My last CT scan came way back in October, after which time we went a month with no chemo, treating with radiation only those 2 tumors in my pelvis. So what will this CT scan show? If everything is smaller, that will indicate that this chemo is working, and we're in great shape. If some are bigger, or nearly the same size...we can't really conclude anything till the next CT scan. The growth could easily have occurred during that "down time" before resuming chemo in late November. In all likelihood, we will continue this treatment after the scan, so long as I feel that it is working, and that my pain is under control.

More posts to come. This weekend, for those interested, I will FINALLY begin posting thoughts on B XVI's latest, Spe Salvi come the end of this weekend.