This post has been a few days in coming. Perhaps I needed the encouragement of St. Thomas Aquinas (see following post) to get off my butt and do what I promise to do. But here it is...
Last Friday I went in for a treatment, and also to receive the results on my latest CT scan. As to my treatment, we postponed it as my platelet counts were once again well below allowable levels. I am scheduled to return next Monday (February 5) to try again.
The news from my CT scan is a mixed bag, but (unfortunately) more bad than good. The good is that the carboplatin/taxol continues to be effective on the tumors on my abdominal surfaces. These continue to shrink (if just a little) which helps a little on the pain front. The bad news is that the tumors in my liver remain unresponsive to chemo. In addition, and though the CT is a bit ambiguous on this, it is likely I also have unresponsive tumors in my lungs. If this is true, the hoped-for plan of following up on several months of this chemo with the theraspheres to treat my liver will not work -- not so long as there remain growing tumors elsewhere in my body.
So what happens at this point? It is difficult to be sure. I have had my CT images and reports sent to Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern. Hopefully, she gets these soon, and has something to say. What likely will happen is that I will move home, continuing treatments nearer the company of family and friends. Barring some breakthrough in the next several months, we will simply look to treat my symptoms, providing whatever is effective in maintaining my quality and quantity of life, though knowing that we are beyond the reach of chemo to stabilize my disease again.
The battles ahead will be as much psychological as physical. Everything one lives for comes to the fore when faced with one's mortality. Were the sacrifices of the life of faith worthwhile? For that matter, can I even boast in what little "sacrifices" I may have made? I trust in my God at this point, which is all we can do. He Who has proven able to turn the greatest of evils into the greatest of goods, can certainly turn my life into something of value. And even the end of my life.
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8 comments:
Been praying hard, DethNyt. Keep us in the loop on your plans.
Here's hoping that every minute of life is a minute lived...for all of us.
Pax Christi.
You are and have been in our prayers. May God continue to bless you the way you have been a blessing to others (which is to say, a great deal).
Well, poop.
You'll continue to be in our prayers, Dennis. Have you looked into kooky alternative medicines? What about a trip to Lourdes? For what it's worth, I bet being close to your family will be a powerful kind of medicine of it's own.
Luv luv luv to you, Brother!
Thanks, guys, for your continued prayers. I need that as much as any medicine...more, even. As for Lourdes, Gigi, I actually made it there during my 1st year in Germany. That was my first "vacation destination" (well, after Paris, kind of out of necessity). Actually, now that I'm thinking of it, I may just make a blog post about it...
Here's praying and hoping for you evernow Dennis. I appreciate all your continued strength, hopes, and courage. You are a valiant man of Christ.
Brother,
I just read your lastest blogs, as I have been unable to reach you recently.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are the bravest man I know, and I am very proud to call you my friend. May your continued faith give you strength to conquer your fears, and give you strength to deal with days like today. You are an inspiration to us all!
Rob.
Dennis, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hello, my friend. With all the commotion around here, I was unable to view your blog for awhile. You continue to be in my prayers. Your spirit and strength continue to inspire me. Love you much!
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