Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Update

Yesterday I finished with my latest run of radiation treatments. We'd been targeting, over the past two weeks, two tumors -- the big one on my right hand side, and one of the two known to be growing in my right lung. I can feel both of the tumors in my lung -- small lumps just beneath the ribs, one about 1/2-way up, the other a couple of inches lower. We targeted the higher one.

The results? Well, from what Dr. Meyer today informed me, we may yet see some late effects -- larger tumors may sometimes have delayed effects, so the tumor on my right hand side may still shrink or reduce its contribution to my pain. At the moment, it seems we've done a good job on the tumor in my lung (much less sensitive to the touch than the other in my lung, though about the same size), while I don't notice any change in the tumor on my side (above possibility notwithstanding).

I see Dr. Grapski tomorrow, then this weekend I will depart Knoxville for the Chicago area. I am, as I've noted many times before, very much looking forward to being in the hands of my doctors up north. While radiation can keep one or two tumors at bay for a couple of weeks at a time, our best bet for stabilizing the disease is through chemo. And while we've used up the "best" chemo options, there's always the chance that something else is waiting for us to try...something off the beaten path.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Update

Here's a brief update, to let folks know how I'm feeling and what's going on around here.

I'm going to get into the lab this afternoon for the 2nd time since I was made aware of my need to put in 10 days by mid-April to save my long-term disability benefit (and with it, my health insurance). I've been too tired on the days I've been home to make up any time there (yet) but imagine I can start that soon enough.

I've called to have them reduce my pain meds just a bit -- I'm still not hitting my "bolus" button all that often (the button that gives me an extra shot of the meds against break-through pain) so I figure I can risk cutting back a bit more. I can't say as I've seen any retreat of the tumors we are currently targeting with radiation, but it's early. And hopefully, when I do, I'll be able to turn back the pain meds that much more.

Still no official word on whether or not I'll get a last round of chemo before leaving Knoxville, though I'd bet not. I'll see the local oncologist that Thursday before leaving town on Saturday.

I'm very much looking forward to being among friends, and to hearing what Dr. Mulcahy has to offer as far as continuing treatment. I know that anything we try is a long shot, at best, to beat back my cancer. But I'll take any shot we've got at this stage...I'm just not ready to accept mere palliative treatments.

And that's about it for the moment. Thanks as always for your constant thoughts and prayers.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Extra prayers...

I'd ask for a few extra prayers over the next couple of weeks. I just found out that I am 10 days short of the number of days required to qualify for the long-term disability benefit at work. Without qualifying for this benefit, my health insurance will disappear at the end of March or April. Or at least, I would then be required to pay my own premiums, at something like $800 per month. I feel I have the strength in me to put in this time at work, if I can manage 1/2-days and time from home. A few extra prayers that I might find this strength of mind and body necessary would go a long way, I'm sure...

Thanks.

Update

Once again, I feel I should apologize for the lateness of this update. I've had a rough run the past couple of weeks...we bumped my pain meds a couple of weeks ago, to a level that left me in something of a fog much of the time. I've been able to cut back a bit the past few days, which has helped considerably. There's some hope I'll be able to cut back still more soon...but I'm going to wait on that.

What is there to wait on? Well, tomorrow I start radiation treatment on two of my tumors -- the one on my right hand side that's been responsible for much of my pain, and one of the ones in my right lung. I'd hope that perhaps I'll be able to see some difference in that tumor on my side before pushing my pain meds back a bit more.

I had my last round of chemo just over one week ago (February 4). My next would be scheduled for February 25, but this may be delayed till we've finished my radiation -- I am scheduled for 10 cycles of radiation, every day over the next 2 weeks (skipping Saturday and Sunday). If this is the case, we may just wait until I've made my move -- I've decided that the time has come to return home, to be among family and friends, and have my treatment supervised by Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern. The folks here in Knoxville, as we've long noted, have simply run out of ideas...we can hope that Dr. Mulcahy might have a few more tricks up her sleeve. I'll be making the move those last few days of February/start of March.

On the whole, I suppose I'm feeling alright. I struggle mentally quite a bit...they say that enough chemo can induce a bit of depression, and I may have hit that point. I hope being among family and friends can be a nice salve there. Physically, I still don't notice any real changes in my major organ functions -- nothing to note that my liver might be struggling due to the tumors there. So long as this is the case, I suppose we've still got a shot.

As usual, your prayers and support are welcomed, and very much appreciated.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 9

Today is the ninth (and final) day of our novena to Our Lady of Lourdes. I would like to thank all of you who chose to pray with me over the previous nine days, and who continue to pray with me, for my healing, into the future. As we pray, may we also be attentive to our own call to action, and to virtue, within the prayers. In particular, we imitate the faith of Mary, who, though bewildered by the pronouncement of the angel that she would bear the salvation of the world, stored it all in her heart, and declared, "Let it be done to me according to your word."

So we conclude with our daily opening prayer, found here. And then to the prayers of Day 9:
O glorious Mother of God, to you we raise our hearts and hands to implore your powerful intercession in obtaining from the benign Heart of Jesus all the graces necessary for our spiritual and temporal welfare, particularly for the grace of a happy death. O Mother of our Divine Lord, as we conclude this novena for the special favor we seek at this time -- my cure from cancer -- we feel animated with confidence that your prayers in our behalf will be graciously heard. O Mother of my Lord, through the love you bear to Jesus Christ and for the glory of His Name, hear our prayers and obtain our petitions.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 8

We begin as usual with our opening prayer from Day 1, here. Continuing now with the prayers from Day 8:
O Immaculate Mother of God, from heaven itself you came to appear to the little Bernadette in the rough Grotto of Lourdes! And as Bernadette knelt at your feet and the miraculous spring burst forth and as multitudes have knelt ever since before your shrine, O Mother of God, we kneel before you today to ask that in your mercy you plead with your Divine Son to grant the special favor we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 7

Beginning as usual with the opening prayer as found here, we then continue with the prayers of Day 7:
O Almighty God, who by the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary did prepare a worthy dwelling place for your Son, we humbly beseech you that as we contemplate the apparition of Our Lady in the Grotto of Lourdes, we may be blessed with health of mind and body. O most gracious Mother Mary, beloved Mother of Our Lord and Redeemer, look with favor upon us as you did that day on Bernadette and intercede with him for us that the favor we now so earnestly seek may be granted to us -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 6

We begin, as always, with the opening prayer found here, on the first day of our novena. Then continue with the prayers specific to Day 6:
O glorious Mother of God, so powerful under your special title of Our Lady of Lourdes, to you we raise our hearts and hands to implore your powerful intercession in obtaining from the gracious Heart of Jesus all the helps and graces necessary for our spiritual and temporal welfare and for the special favor we so earnestly seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Lady of Bernadette, with the stars of heaven in your hair and the roses of earth at your feet, look with compassion upon us today as you did so long ago on Bernadette in the Grotto of Lourdes.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 5

We begin as we always do, with the opening prayer found on the first day of the novena, here. Then we continue with the prayer for Day 5:
O Mary Immaculate, Mother of God and our mother, from the height of your dignity look down mercifully upon us while we, full of confidence in your unbounded goodness and confident that your Divine Son will look favorably upon any request you make of Him in our behalf, we beseech you to come to our aid and secure for us the favor we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 4

Beginning as we always do, with the opening prayer from here, we continue on to the prayers for Day 4 of the Novena:
O Immaculate Queen of Heaven, we your wayward, erring, children join our unworthy prayers of praise and thanksgiving to those of the angels, the saints, and your own -- that the One, Holy, and Undivided Trinity may be glorified in heaven and here on earth. Our Lady of Lourdes, as you looked down with love and mercy upon Bernadette as she prayed her rosary in the grotto, look down now, we beseech you, with love and mercy upon us. From the abundance of graces granted you by your Divine Son, Sweet Mother of God, give to each of us all that your motherly heart sees we need and at this moment look with special favor on the grace we seek in this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant Star of Purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Brief update

I wanted to put out a brief update, what with a treatment yesterday, and a week to reflect on the results of the recent CT scan.

First, delays in treatment are bad. The timing of the tumor growth and my treatments are pretty tight, in that it seems during the first two weeks of a treatment cycle, my pain levels are reduced, then during the 3rd week, they rise again. Having a 4th week before another treatment allowed my pain to increase still more -- to a level I'd not experienced before. The level of my pain meds was at a level I'd more-or-less gotten used to, but is now again at a level that makes ordinary function difficult. Too tired, too often, to get regular stuff around the house done...much less even consider getting back to work.

And so, given what looks like continued growth in both my liver and my lung, I am making arrangements to return to the Chicago area, to continue treatment under the care of Dr. Mulcahy at Northwestern while in the company of my family and friends. After today speaking with my insurance company, it looks as though I'll be able to take on some sort of "Guest" status in Chicago that allows me to get treatment there as though I were "in-network". At least, that how I understand it works...it would surely make things easier (and cheaper).

I'm feeling pretty good, what with a treatment yesterday. Not so queezy as I am typically, I'm finding myself with energy enough to do a bunch of the stuff necessary while I prepare for a move in a month. One last thing I want to have done here that I really need to push on -- I'd like to pursue radiation on the one large tumor on my right side, the cause of so very much of my pain at the moment. Dr. Meyers (the local radiation oncologist) had mentioned that it could be done quickly and concurrently with chemo, so that, even given the time constraints, it is something we can conceivably do before any move.

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 3

Getting a jump on things this morning, here's Day 3: first, of course, begin with the opening prayer of Day 1. Then continue here:
"You are all fair, O Mary, and there is in you no stain of original sin." O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. O brilliant star of sanctity, as on that lovely day, upon a rough rock in Lourdes you spoke to the child Bernadette, and a fountain broke from the plain earth, and miracles happened, and the great shrine of Lourdes was began, so now I beseech you to hear our fervent prayer and do, we beseech you, grant us the petition we now so earnestly seek -- my cure from cancer.

O brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena, Day 2

Hey Everyone. Sorry this is late in coming today -- I had a really long day of treatment, starting with blood tests around 9 am, a blood transfusion because my red cell count was low again, and then my usual round of chemo. I'll provide a more extensive health update tomorrow. For now, though, let me get the second day of prayers for this Novena posted...while hoping that perhaps many of you may have found another source from which to continue (I'm pulling this from the EWTN web-page, after-all) for the day.

Start with the opening prayer provided in the Day 1 post here. Continue with the Day 2 prayer as follows:
Be blessed O most pure Virgin, for having vouchsafed to manifest yourself, shining with light, sweetness, and beauty in the grotto of Lourdes, saying to the child St. Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception!" O Mary Immaculate, inflame our hearts, with one ray of the burning of your pure heart. Let them be consumed with love for Jesus and for you, in order that we may merit one day to enjoy your glorious eternity. O dispenser of His graces here below, take into your keeping and present to your Divine Son the petition for which we are making this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious in your assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation. Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Our Lady of Lourdes Novena

The feast of Our Lady of Lourdes arrives in 9 days -- February 11. Coincidentally, this happens to be my birthday as well. As such, I thought it fitting to begin a novena -- a special sequence of prayers lasting 9 days -- asking of Our Lady of Lourdes her intercession on my behalf, for my healing from this cancer.

We begin daily with a prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes:
Be blessed, O most pure Virgin, for having vouchsafed to manifest with life, sweetness, and beauty, in the grotto of Lourdes, saying to the child St. Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception!" A thousand times we congratulate you on your Immaculate Conception. And now, O ever Immaculate Virgin, Mother of mercy, Health of the sick, Refuge of sinners, Comforter of the afflicted, you know our wants, our troubles, our sufferings; deign to cast upon us a look of mercy.

By appearing in the Grotto of Lourdes, you were pleased to make it a privileged sanctuary, whence you dispense your favors, and already many have obtained the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and physical. We come, therefore, with the most unbounded confidence to implore your maternal intercession. Obtain for us, O Loving Mother, the granting of our request -- my cure from cancer.

Through gratitude for your favors, we will endeavor to imitate your virtues, that we may one day share your glory.

O Lady of Lourdes, Mother of Christ, you had influence with your Divine Son while upon earth. You have the same influence now in heaven. Pray for us; obtain for us from your Divine Son our special requests if it be the Divine Will.

Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
St. Bernadette, pray for us.

We continue with the prayers specific to each day, starting with Day One:

O Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, virgin and mother, queen of heaven, chosen from all eternity to be the Mother of the Eternal Word and in virtue of this title preserved from original sin, we kneel before you as did little Bernadette at Lourdes and pray with childlike trust in you that as we contemplate your glorious appearance at Loudes, you will look with mercy on our present petition and secure for us a favorable answer to the request for which we are making this novena -- my cure from cancer.

O Brilliant star of purity, Mary Immaculate, Our Lady of Lourdes, glorious assumption, triumphant in your coronation, show unto us the mercy of the Mother of God. Virgin Mary, Queen and Mother, be our comfort, hope, strength, and consolation.

Amen.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.
Saint Bernadette, pray for us.
I welcome any and all who would join with me today and through the following 8 days in asking prayers for my healing from Our Lady of Lourdes.