A preliminary thought on hope

I was hoping to start today with some reflections on Benedict XVI's encyclical On Christian Hope. I have finished reading it through once, and figure to begin re-reading soon, offering thoughts and room for discussion as we go. But before we get started there, I wanted to share a funny thought from Charles Peguy's The Portal of the Mystery of Hope (thanks, John), an extended free-verse theological poem:

And you say: This little Hope has tricked me again.
I never should've trusted her. It's the twentieth time that she's tricked me.
(Earthly) wisdom is not her strong point.
I will never believe her again. (You will believe her again, you will always believe her).
I'll never get taken in again. -- Fools that you are.

Peguy presents Hope as a little girl, the younger sister to the mature and serene Faith and Charity. Hope is impetuous, running backwards and forwards and in circles, getting us to chase her all over, running seemingly the same paths again and again. Paths that appear, at least to us, always (or often) to end in human/earthly disappointment. I know that I have felt this way about hope often of late. I find myself second guessing my decisions -- why did I go to Germany? Why did I come to Knoxville? If I'd given any consideration to what was prudent, I'd have stayed near my friends and family in Chicago or in Washington, DC, so that, in times such as these, where I'm feeling a bit scared and unsure of my future, I could have their support and comfort. But each decision made was the hopeful decision -- I wanted to believe I was cured of my cancer when I went to Germany. I wanted to believe we had a few years of fighting before we might have to worry about running out of treatment options, making Knoxville a good move rather than staying in DC with a temporary position. But in each case, I find myself struggling...more alone than I'd like to be (though thankfully, never fully alone). I find myself making the same promises, to never believe that "little Hope" again...though I know, if given the opportunity, I would. It's who I am. I want to hope...to believe for the best. One day, I am convinced, the true Hope will prove worthwhile...the eternal Hope that Benedict XVI writes about in his encyclical. But until then, I will be disappointed, as often as not, in moves in the here and now, which can never satisfy as we long to be satisfied.